 |
| Roughly the effect I was aiming for... |
The following incident happened a while ago. I finished work, took the bus, got off and went to the supermarket. I said the same thing I always say: I need just a couple of things. I don't know if there are people who walk into a supermarket and indeed get out with "just a couple of things". Maybe there are. I'm not saying it's as improbable as spotting fairies or dragons. I, however, am not one of them.
So I get out of the supermarket with my backpack bursting at the seams. I have no use for the average feminine bag; if I could carry with me a military backpack (or three), I would. In the one hand I have a chocolate milk with a straw, in the other hand another bag with what didn't fit in my backpack. I say to myself, no way you'll walk a kilometer carrying so much weight. You'll get the bus.
I start walking towards the bus stop. It's at a distance. I take sips of my choco milk and walk, not a care in the world. Then I turn and glance behind me and realise the bus is at the traffic lights. Shit!
I start running and develop a good speed. Great, I say to myself, you'll manage to get to the stop before the bus. At the same time I feel that my trousers have begun sliding down, and my smile vanishes. I start opening my stride as much as possible, to stop the damn trousers from slipping further down. I probably look like a chubby pelican doing ballet leaps, with my legs stretched to the max trying to stop the inevitable. Just before my butt is fully revealed, I stop and place the milk on my right hand, the one that carries the bag with the groceries. I put the index finger of my left hand around one of the belt loops of my trousers to keep them in place, and resume running.
Thankfully the bus driver saw this grown, mature woman keeping her pants in place with one hand and carrying what looked like a week's worth of provisions for the Mongolian army in the other and he took pity on me. He stopped before the bus stop and let me onboard. Thank you, Mr driver.
I probably don't need to refer to the fact there was a bus stop just outside the supermarket, in a small street nearby, and I discovered it months after that incident. Do I?
(As per usual, if you'd like to support this lunatic, please buy her a coffee.)
