Sunday, March 29, 2015

Fairy walk

Screaming in my sleep, keeping my thoughts to myself when I wake up.
Out of touch with my core, so I took a fairy walk today.
There is so much beauty and so much ugliness in the world.
I can see both.

I walked in a green place with spring flowers; red and pink poppies and yellow daisies and little purple wild flowers. I spoke to trees, caressed their twigs and leaves. Thunder rumbled in the distance and from time to time, drops of rain fell on my face like tears from the heavens.

I can see everything as a moment frozen in time. As a snapshot of beauty. I see the vibrant colours, the different shapes, the orgiastic multitude in form. Not two leaves on a tree are alike. Not even human twins are identical, though their DNA is.

If I shift my perception, I spot decay in the same effortless manner I perceive beauty; the yellowed leaf, the dead insect, the dry branch. They are as real as their living brothers and sisters.

I see whole worlds in people's eyes. I see their inner beauty shining. And at the same time, at the wrinkles of their very smiles I read the finality of their deaths, the finite amount of time they have at their disposal.

It will all be gone, I want to scream. It will be gone. Stop fighting with each other, stop sweating the small stuff. Stop killing the planet and bombing innocents and make your loved ones hate you. It’s more fragile than you think, and it’s completely unique. It will all be gone. It will not be forever. You are not forever, so be here. Don't live on borrowed time, on plans for a future that may never come. Don't live inside your head and play stupid head games. Be here with us. Be kind to each other. There is so much pain already, so much death and fear. Don't add to it. Please don't. 
Heaven and hell are here and now.
Choose one.
The god you choose is the god you deserve.

But even if I do scream, who will listen?

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Friday, March 13, 2015

Has it been a year already?

A year without you? No, it can't be.
I am always thinking that you are somewhere and you're very busy and this is why I haven't heard from you. But you're okay. That's what I always think. That you are just busy. And late at night, when the knowledge of you being gone becomes an itch I can't scratch, or a burden that chokes me, I cry quietly. I've given up trying to make sense. I can't.
I miss you. I always miss you. I miss you quietly, or I miss you desperately, or I pretend I don't. But I do.
You knew me well enough to be able to second-guess me. You cared deeply and wholeheartedly and with no strings attached.
The next book is going to be dedicated to you and no-one else.
You were a blessing that keeps illuminating me even now.
I love ballet, and deviants, and loved this one.
I wish I could show it to you.

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

It's my birthday~!

And belly dancing makes me happy, so here is a very nice video. :)