I think the basic question should be-
"Do you want more power, or do you want peace?"
Most people try to find inner peace by seeking power.
Power over others, power by being in control, and more rarely, by becoming tyrants of themselves.
Power does not grant you peace.
If you want to find peace, you need to let go of power.
Of course that is easier said than done.
You will be crushed, time after time, until you think you'll never be whole again.
You'll sit with yourself, trying to hold your own hand, while everything is falling apart.
You'll frantically struggle to be in control while there is no control over anything. Control will always be slipping through your fingers like water.
You'll doubt and second-guess yourself until your brain aches.
And that's not even a full list of what happens when you seek the path of peace.
I'm sad tonight. Whatever woke up by the full moon is having a party inside my head.
I'm also dead-tired. Tired to my bones, to my very core.
I need to find a job that does not make me hate my life.
I know I need to let go of power and control, and instead exercise self-discipline over my thoughts and feelings.
No guarantee this will work, of course.
It's ironic to need a guarantee to let go of control. Similar to removing your life jacket, but not before you have been handed a life ring.
Life, by definition, always hands you jack shit before kicking you right in at the deep end.
I do know one thing. If self-discipline doesn't bring results, at least I'll suffer less.
And that's about as good as it gets.
(As per usual, if you'd like to support this tired old cat, please buy her a coffee.)
