Saturday, November 21, 2009

We are the raven-haired and live grave-deep.

Music: Amber Asylum: The natural philosophy of love.

It happens with pictures.
You see a picture of something or someone you desire. It reminds you where you are and in an indirect manner, points out the fact you are nowhere near home or where you wanted to be anyway.
It is always funny considering the contrast: where you would like to be and where you actually are. Where you are is where the universe figures you’re supposed to be. Not an arbitrary guess; after all, we are the ones who give feedback to the universe concerning our understanding of the situation and where we stand. Our thoughts and actions are a moment to moment report of our progress. Nobody can fake this report or brag about achievements they haven’t made. You can lie to other people, not to the night sky. Not to matter itself. Matter sings; atoms, quarks, every little bit of what we understand as reality around us SINGS. It vibrates and dances and sings and repeats the most beautiful phrase ever:
Live and learn.
I seem to never learn. Because even though I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, I still wish I was somewhere else.
It all passes so quickly.
[There is no such thing as time.]
It all hurts so much.
[There is no such thing as actual gain and actual loss.]
I so wish I was somewhere else.
[Yes, but demons, if found within, they travel with you.]
I can outsmart myself quite easily.
Yet feelings pour out like an ocean; unchecked, roaring, wild.
Rationalize what? Desire? Sorrow? Anger? Tears? Why even bother?
Why do we shed tears when nothing has entered our eyes? What do we try to wash out with the salty essence of experience? Perhaps our fear of death?
But Lilith.
They desecrated your garden, oh Wild one.
They desecrated your holy vagina.
They trapped you in human flesh.
They gave you a human name and a human destiny.
They took your orgasms away, oh Holy one.
They took your memories, your children and your lovers.
They gave you time in exchange for all those.
They birthed and condemned you into darkness eternal.
They seek to put your light out forever oh Wise one.
What will you do?
Nothing. It’s what I chose. I’ll ride the wave, see where it takes me, said the Wise one.
But is it what you wanted?
In the garden of No choices I’ll carve my name with blood and flame and screams, said the Wild one. Till the walls are torn down and tyrants are brought to heel.
And if this fails?
Well, I’ll just find another way. Because, after all, we are only as big as our dreams and aspirations, said the Holy one.
In the garden of earthly delights let me accept my burden, in the garden of my womb let there be Time, born again through me.
There is no such thing as time.
Live and learn.
Live and love and learn.
Nothing can stop me.
(Special thanks to Moonspell, Neil Gaiman and T. for inspiration and quotes...)