Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Heart


It came to me in a reverie. 
You are so deep inside.
You are not a bearded man on a cloud.
You are not male nor female.
You are not something I can grasp, or explain.
I have to dive and pass through countless layers to find you.
Past anger, past fear, past regret, past even hope.
You have no commandments.  
The tears you demand are tears of joy.
Your favourite music is laughter.
Your only rule is live and learn.
Even if you are a figment of my imagination
Even if you exist within me only
You exist.
And I will do my best to bring you into this world
through my words, actions and decisions.
No-one can take you from me.
Religions, people or events can't take you from me.
"Home is where the heart is."
I push my hand inside
deep deep deep down
and curl my fingers around your flame.
I am home. 

"...But my writing hands/ are the roots/ of my misery."
Elend

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Busy, broke, chubby and strangely pleased.

Chris and Seth, founding members of Septicflesh (and their cute as a button daemon-familiar).
I've been trying to tie loose ends for the past two weeks. There are countless little chores I've been avoiding like the devil avoids incense (as the Greek saying goes), but they need to be done. So lately I've been tackling them. They aren't important, but completing them offers me a strange sense of accomplishment. They are boring and unpleasant and necessary, so every single one that gets out of the way is one boring task less. I'm mightily impressed with myself.

On the good news' side, I plan to do an interview with the extreme metal band Septicflesh. They are Greek, they are awesome, and I've been a fan for many years. If you aren't familiar with them and you love symphonic death metal, check them out. They are excellent and constantly evolving. I hope they'll agree to an interview. My blog isn't music-related; it exists to document my obsessions so that my psychiatrist can have a better clinical picture er... so that I can write about my interests. Yes, of course. I have already started sacrificing pizzas and ice-creams to darker entities (it's plenty dark inside my stomach, believe me) to make sure I land that interview. If I don't, I'll just increase the number of sacrifices, fart despondently and wallow in disappointment.

Psst. Let me tell you a secret. I hate all those metal bands. Well, 'hate' might be too strong a word. Almost without exception, members of those bands have longer hair than mine and about 2.345 more tattoos than I do. I am jealous AF. That without referring to the fact men with long hair and tattoos accidentally press a special button inside my brain. I start secreting ginormous amounts of saliva while staring at them, one eye rapidly blinking, drool running down my chin, moonstruck smile splitting my face in two. I'm usually fantasizing that I have then in my bed in full metalhead gear and I comb their hair. Oooh what pretty hair you have. Oooh let me comb it for you. Show me your tattoos. Oooh you bad boy you, all dressed in black and leather. And so on. Of course, any sane person that sees me during that phase is certain I am having a stroke combined with a psychotic episode, and slowly tiptoes out of my field of vision. I don't even realise, too busy combing imaginary hair. *Sigh* My chances of capturing one of those specimens to enact that bedroom scene are slim to none, especially bearing in mind two facts: 1) the unreasonable number of cats on my bed 2) my super audacious chubby tummy, blowing raspberry to possible suitors from under my (carefully selected) loose t-shirts. But one can dream, right?


Quiz: cats on my bed. How many can you count? Plus foot porn.
In other news, I am broke as FCUK. Therefore I have started selling things I don't need. Right now I have three stamp albums listed on Ebay, official products, sold out years ago and completely impossible to find under normal circumstances. If you want, please take a look. They are very reasonably priced and I'd love to re-home them and use the money to buy more urgent things.

Items I sell on Ebay are here.

I'll keep you updated on the interview. Now go out and be as naughty and impudent as my round tummy.

Friday, May 12, 2017

At the borders of dreamland

Art by Natalie Shau. That's what my (beloved) demons probably look like.
Just a note before I close my eyes and drift off to dreamland.
Isn't it funny how you can spend your entire day busy and when the time for sleep comes, still feel that you've achieved nothing?
In spite of my tiredness, I presently resent going to bed. It means the day is gone and it is not coming back.
Time is slipping from my fingers again. 
The only cure I know for this ailment? Writing.
When I am writing, time ceases to exist.
What is your cure?
Good-night.

Monday, May 01, 2017

Beltane

Photo by Alessandro Carboni
Prayer

Heart within, as well as without,
Remove the barriers I've raised to your grace.
Soothe me at night, when doubt tortures me.
Push me through the day when every moment is agony.
Give me solutions my mind can't conceive.
Fill me with hope when life crushes me.
Embrace my darkness when I am scared of it.
Help me make every moment meaningful. 
Offer me understanding when I am given none.
Help me live with dignity while blind dogs snarl at my heels.
Offer me the justice this world denies.
Let me cross the bridge with no fear or regret.
May the skies of Forever take me
and let me rest inside you.
Thank you.