Vile threats and magick-made porn movies

My left shoulder is stiff and sore, and has been so for the past two days. Today was the worst. Every time I tried to move it or turn my head, I was getting muscular spasms that made me groan.  I got the stiff shoulder after a thorough house cleansing. Should I be scared of what kind of old energies I shifted? :) Counterpain ointment will heal all ills and drive the mosquitoes away as a bonus. The smell would drive me, too, out of the room, if I wasn't firmly attached to the shoulder I apply it on.

Last night I was sending out CVs again. It is a ‘delightful’ pastime.  I was reading the ad titles trying to decipher whether the job is something worth applying to/ I have the necessary knowledge to do it. Many ads have the word ‘administrator’ in the title. Recruitment administrator, Payroll Administrator, Sales Support Administrator, Order Processing Administrator, Senior Administrator, Compliance Administrator… From a point onwards I started reading out loud and replacing words. Cunt Administrator, Bollocks administrator, Dick Administrator, Butt Administrator, Boob Administrator, Pube Administrator. It was 2 in the a.m., and I realised I was reciting a litany of anatomical parts and swearwords and sticking the word ‘administrator’ after every single one of them. I started laughing with the absurdity of it, and the absurdity of looking for a job for seven months and not finding one, and the stupidity of human existence and the mess we have made out of everything. Society, money, politics, war, it’s all a gigantic bollocks of a mess, and I honestly wonder why I bother. Right now the European Union is tearing my country apart, turning it to shreds and bloody bits and ashes, and I can do absolutely nothing to stop it. I can’t even help myself.  I know, that’s not what the media tell you. The media also don’t say anything about the thousands of people who have committed suicide because of their debts, the hospitals who have no medicine, the families who have no electricity, the 60% unemployment in people under 30, the 30.000 jobs and companies who have gone out of business, the fact we are expected to pass a whole month with a 400 euro wage while the expenses are at least double. Don’t listen to the media. They lie. 

I wish I could work some serious black magick and execute a few of the present European leaders. I wouldn’t take credit. I’d do it for the heck of it, because someone needs to do it. For the despair and misery of millions worldwide while fat, bloated leeches of leaders shake their finger and accuse us we’re not trying hard enough. For the waves of desperate refugees drowning in the Mediterranean with the ‘help’ of coastal police, that sinks their boats. For the guy who is beaten to his death in an alley because he had the bad luck to be born with the wrong skin colour. For the teenage whore with the dead eyes whose pimp is forcing her to sleep with twenty people every night, and whose entire life was one foster home after another, a responsibility no-one wanted. For the small girl who is held down by others while someone severs her clitoris with a piece of broken glass. For the dog they take when it’s a cute puppy and then abandon like trash. For every single one of you, with a breath and a conscience, whose names I don’t know, whose tears water this earth non-stop, I’d kill them. Fuck karma. Fuck consequences. I don’t care. If they don’t care, neither should I. They are not human anyway. They are scum. They are bipedal leeches who rule and destroy the lives of millions. Someone needs to squash those disgusting creatures, step on them and then scrape off the remains and throw them away, or even better, burn them in a bonfire.

Lately a ‘friend’ of mine comes to mind, and some things she said to me. Instead for apologising for being the scheming, shit-hearted, petty, envious cunt that she is, she had the nerve to accuse me on top. I guess she is lucky I have a good hold on my dark side. If I didn’t, by the time they got her off my hands she’s need full facial reconstruction.

Do you hear me, you fucking cunt? I am out for your blood. No more freebies. You and the rest of your side, you’re going to hear from me very soon. You’ve gotten away with too much for too long. Time to pay the bill. It’s going to hurt. I am going to fuck you to the moon and back. I hope you enjoy stargazing while a porn movie is happening to your arse. 

On that happy note, I advice you all to watch Sense8. It’s an excellent series. Makes you feel human and alive.

Off to bed. 

About the situation in Greece

Some people ask me what the situation in Greece is like.

I am no good at making political analysis. But I can give you a good synopsis of what's going on. Click on the link below.

My name is Spyros and I am a MALAKAS.

Malakas= asshole. But in this instance, it means idiot, someone who's been taken for a ride.

If you really want to know about Greece, please take a few moments of your time to watch it. On the other hand, it might seem that Greece is very far away and it's not something you should bother with. Well, it's not. Anything and everything that happens on this planet will sooner or later come and knock on your door, too. No matter how far you may live, or how safe you think you are.

Don't believe the media.

Thank you for your time.

Up the wall

I was listening to my mother talking with another woman. They were commenting on the fact an old Greek singer has a son who's gay, and the father got so mad about it that he stabbed his son when he caught him in the act. My mother was explaining to the other woman that this singer is a proper man and he cannot put up with such behaviour on his son's behalf.

I kept my mouth shut, because there was absolutely nothing I could have said that would offer something to the conversation. I wanted to spit on my mother's face at that moment. And what would that offer?

"None are as blind as those who will not see".

When I heard this quote for the first time, I could not understand to what it referred. Now I do. It refers to people in general. We all more or less have that infuriating quality, the ability to ignore what is in front of our eyes because it is not convenient. We do not want to see because we are afraid, or don't want the responsibility of our own actions, or it does not fit with our world view and does not agree with our plans. It's far easier to reject or fear that which we don't understand or like. In this case, it's being gay. "It's wrong. It's abnormal. It's against God". Utter crap people will pose as arguments against what they are afraid of, because it is different than what they themselves do.

I am sick of this planet in general. The best thing I can do is keep to myself because I am sick of having conversations that end up with me in a screaming fit. I am just too tired to listen to bullshit. I am not going to judge people because they want to sleep with people of the same sex. As long as they are both consenting adults, why the hell should I play traffic regulator in their beds? Who cares if they want be fucked with men, women, girl scouts, Arabic stallions or dwarf ladies with beards? Unless it's your ass their dick or fingers are preoccupied with, if you'll excuse my language, what the hell do you care?

Argh. No, I must not buy another deck of Tarot cards to blow off steam...

We are sick inside the heads. That's all I can think of. I am sick too, I just don't know it. I don't see my bias because they are my own. I am sick with a terrible disease called being human. That race of morons and degenerates that worships trinkets and ignores the truest treasures. People want bling blings. They do not want pearls of wisdom, they do not want the truth. The truth is never pleasant or amusing and yet it cuts to the heart of the matter like the sharpest scalpel, like the most refined diamond blade.

We are all very, very sick. And I feel sorry for all, including myself, and there are days I wish I was the blindest of all.

But my eyes will not go away, my spirit will not cease to thirst. My eyes will never go away, and they do not fail me, they no longer fool me. Not after all this time and the shit I have been through. I have become the opposite of innocent; I have become a suspicious curmudgeon that views people as a possible source of annoyance, their mouths true springs of stupidity, their hearts barren wastelands, devoid of anything of value. I am sick of it. And it does not end. It never does.

What I can do is rest temporarily; I sleep like a bird upon the fragile melody of a song I love. I rest my eyes upon the sheen of the raven black hair of a beautiful man I cannot have. I smell a rose and know that this flower knows everything there is to know. It doesn't hold back; it blooms in perfect glory for everyone to see and smell. And no-one sees it. No-one bothers to smell it; they pass by it walking in a hurry, hypnotised by their lists of "IMPORTANT things to do" "IMPORTANT people to talk to" "IMPORTANT phone-calls they cannot miss" no matter if they are driving, fucking or taking a crap. Their cell phones follow them even in the toilet. They behave like cocaine crazed gangsters closing in on a target. I on the other hand see the flowers blooming in the evening gloom and they are poems, they are explosions of colours that stupefy the mind and defy any attempt at a description. These colours are sometimes strong enough to feel that they leave an afterglow, a haze of colour in the space around them. I remember describing one of my heroes in a story, perhaps the most beautiful one I have, and his skin is at the same time translucent and blinding, like an angel or a white iris that immaterialises in front of one's eyes, the colour of his face a ghostly white like thick milk that slowly dilutes in water.

I live only for those moments nowadays. The unexpected rose waiting for me at the next corner. The humble jasmine that smells to the high heavens, not yelling but chiming its beauty in a tapestry of smell that sounds like a wild array of the tiniest silver bells you can imagine. I live for the next album by my favourite band and the smell of my cat's fur when he sleeps next to me in the morning and the Pre-Raphaelite paintings that make me lose my speech. I live for my next ice-cream, and the next kawaii order, so full of colours and designs, and the next book or manga I'll read and the next time I'll sleep and my life will be once more exciting. I no longer live for understanding; I no longer live for human fulfilment. I see myself screaming like a woman that's gone not just slightly crazy but completely homicidal bananas and I scare myself with how much sick I am. Sick just like them.

I just wish, wish, wish I could once more dream like I used to.

I try.

God knows I try, while looking frantically inside my heart for the spark to set everything ablaze.

Thankfully the newest album by Dir en Grey is out. "Dum spiro spero". As long as I breathe, I hope.

Please god/dess. Please.

I have no strength left anymore.

Thank you.

An alien

... landing on my head would hardly make me raise my right eyebrow, let alone crack a smile.

Found a new way to deal with homophobic people and generally, the kind of know-it-all-Greek people I despise. At the first hint of an idiotic argument that I hear (i.e. for gay people, the characterisation "not normal") I dramatically raise both hands and exclaim curtly and loudly "end of conversation!" This wins me a few surprised glances. It is okay. They do not know it, but it also saves them from a blunt object landing on their moronic heads. I can understand that every person has the right to have a head full of shit and brainwashed /pre-constructed vomit instead of ideas, but sorry, I will not deal with this if I can avoid it. They can keep their opinions to themselves and I will do the same for mine. No 'conversation' (parade of racist, homophobic and simply infuriating 'arguments' that defy any definition of logic) will torture my ears and brain cells if I can just skip it. Not for any other reason, but my blood pressure reaches the heavens and my hands start shaking with the adrenaline I cannot use to flatten their faces and give them a new point of view in life. So yes, I will be a fascist.

Seriously trying.

I am seriously trying not to pay any attention to the stupidity of people anymore. Seriously trying. But I fail spectacularly.

First of all, my lower back is killing me. I have been doing all the wrong things, not physically, but there are quite a few things that can cause physical pain although they are not causing any physical strain. And believe me, I am not referring to sex. :-)

Secondly, I am the first to admit I am opinionated. Opinionated as fuck, to be more precise. This is why I do not converse with strangers most of the time, because when they start blurting out racistic, homophobic or just plainly stupid opinions that they label "arguments" I want to kick them hard enough to make them spit their balls out. I do not have the patience to explain to them WHY they are stupid. I just want them gone from my view ASAP, and usually to make this happen I just start screaming obscenities. This happened a couple of days ago. Again.

Someone came to my work and unfortunately, we started a conversation related to gay people. He said, "I do not have a problem with them", which is the usual openminded-my-arse cover everyone uses to avoid being called a homophobe, "but one of them is staying in my building. And if I have a kid, what then? If he or she sees two men kissing, what then?"

Right you are, fella. If he or she sees that sight unfolding in front of them, the gay virus will immediately enter them through their innocent eyes. Those two men will get their gayness all over your poor kid and then it will be the end. You kid will become immediately gay. Next step will be to shave her head if it is a girl, let her armpits unshaved till they look like the hairstyle of the singer from Tokio Hotel, and buy herself a tank and a box of multicoloured strap-ons. Or if it is a boy, he will shave his legs, wear one of his mother's dresses (preferably a fuscia red one), pierce his ding dong and go out to satisfy his endless craving for you-know-what kind of meat. Nice, isn't it? Going through all the trouble and expences of reproducing because you need an empty canvas to fill with your complexes and stupidity, and that kid *squeeeeal!* turning out gay. Oh, the horror! Oh, the disappointment! I suppose that when you fuck your wife in missionary position a little voice tells you that you have signed a contract with God and your child will be "normal". Perhaps gay people come out when you fuck doggy style. You should check that too. One can never be too careful with these things.

Question number one: If your son sees two women kissing, is that okay? Because I have noticed that I see a lot of -supposed- lesbian couples in those magazines you buy because you are such a hard, uncompromised, manly man. I suppose this doesn't count. Forgive me. How stupid of me...

Question number two: If your kid never sees two men kissing and he or she still turns out gay, what then? Who's to blame? Who's to burn on that stake you have prepared already? Maybe your kid?

Needless to say, I told him that I hope a meteorite lands in Greece and eradicates the population, because they (Greek men) are homophobic, racist, religion-obsessed fuckwits. :-) Now go on and blame me for that.

Nearly forgot!

A few weeks ago fans of two different football/ basketball/ volleyball teams got into a huge ruckus and virtually kicked the living crap of each other. One person was stabbed to death and many seriously injured. So it is early morning, I am at the kiosk opening and arranging the newspapers, and shaking my head with disgust as I read these headlines. A friend of mine, Theodore, who's half American half Greek, is asking me what happened. I explain to him that this is the Nature's method of weeding out the stupid ones. At that point another person who hears this conversation butts in and tells me, "yes, and I can tell you exactly what happened." "I'm not interested", I tell him. "No, let me tell you", he insists. "I don't want to know," I tell him, "these people are idiots who get what they deserve anyway." "Yes, you are right," he insists, "but let me tell you what happened." 
This utterly stupid conversation goes on for another one or two minutes, with him insisting that I have to know and me asking him to leave me be. Finally he says, "you have to know because you are Greek." (!!!) Failing to see any connection between the two things, I turn around dumbfounded and ask him, "so what?" Please read the ensuing conversation.

Him: "What do you mean 'so what'? You are Greek, aren't you?"

Me: "Yes, so what? I don't give a toss about it."

Him: "You mean that if an Albanian comes and burns the Greek flag outside your kiosk, you won't care?"

Me: "He can use the flag to wipe his ass with it if he feels like it, I don't give a fuck."

This freaked him out enough to make him go and leave me alone at last.

I AM NOT GREEK, GODSDAMMIT. I am human. Do you have any idea of what human means? I am not Greek, female, orthodox Christian, or any of that social conditioning crap. I am just human. What does Greek mean, besides having Greek education? Greek ancestors? There is no such thing as a pure blood anything! There have been endless blood mixtures over the millennia and that's the way it should be, for healthy genes. Besides, modern-day Greeks can no more lay claim on the great philosophical and mathematical ideas of ancient Greece. At least, not any more than any educated person of any race can. That was two thousand five hundred years ago, people. Do you have anything recent to show me that proves a connection to those great minds? NO. Then shut up. Religion equals fear equals mental poison. And as for gender, it reveals nothing more about me than the fact I belong to the birth giving sex. SO FUCKING WHAT?!

I am only ONE thing, fellas, and get it right because I will not bother explaining it more. I am human. And God/dess knows, NOT PROUD OF IT. How could I? Take a look around and tell me. How could I?