They are fleeting, like a flutter or a passing breeze.
Stepping out of my house I feel the light wind touching my face. The smell of jasmine caresses my nostrils and there is a near full moon in the sky. It resembles a giant precious stone that bleeds pearly light in uneven waves and patterns around it. The branches of the nearest pine tree move slowly. And for a moment there is no tomorrow, today, or yesterday. My heart fills to the brim, and I am happy. I'm not stressed with job hunting, I don't care about the fate of humanity, I don't worry about anything. I am fully there. All my senses are full, and there is nothing I need and nothing I miss. I am whole.
I have only experienced this deep happiness while being outdoors and alone.
Music of excellent quality also creates landscapes I can temporarily reside in and find quiet, or excitement. That is why I collect good music in the manner other humans collect precious stones. Each favourite song is for me a sanctuary I can hide in until the 'storm' I am facing runs its course. Favourite albums are safe houses, places I can revisit. I make sure not to visit them too often because they lose their magic.
I don't need luxury. I don't need expensive gifts. I enjoy a good, soft bed, good food, nice conversation. I like beautiful landscapes. I like my aloneness. A single tree can make me happy. A sunset. The night sky. A good book. Cake. A massage. I don't need expensive shoes, bags, mobiles. I don't need much to be content.
Bearing that in mind, it's nothing less than strange how happiness eludes me...
I need to find a job and move away from my family. I really do. Alone is the key.