It's been five days that I have no access to my primary email account, the one I have registered for almost all social sites I use. Facebook, this blog, bookmooch, thealterium, twitter, tumblr, vistaprint and youtube are connected to it (to name the majority). If I permanently lose access to that account I have a lot of work ahead of me. It's not going to be fun. Let's hope the technicians will be able to fix whatever is wrong with it because I am not the only one who has a problem from what they say.
Sometimes I wonder why we all do what we hate being done to us, like judging.
And sometimes I don't think. Judging is so tightly woven into human nature that it's impossible to avoid.
I've been in a void of partly my own choice. Away from erotic relationships.
I don't want to change that.
It's much like unlearning to eat candy. If you unlearn it, you no longer feel the craving for it from a point onwards.
It's not like I feel no craving.
I just don't want to bother with all that ensue a relationship and intimacy with another person. It's not worth it. I am tired of the trial and error process relationships are. I want to keep my quiet, for the rest of my life if possible. Not bother what this and that and the other means.
I look around me. I am not blind. Erotic relationships have an expiry date. Those that stay with the other person even after the interest has died out are pretty much buried alive. They stay because they have a child, or joined bank accounts, or they are afraid, or whatever really.
Is any of that a valid reason to stay with a person for the rest of your life? Or is it better to stay with one person and cheat on them because you still want to have interesting sex?
We never really get to know anyone. People are like moons, with a hidden side.
We always think we know others and ourselves.
In reality we know shit.
We make relationships with strangers that remain strangers throughout and even after the end of the relationship.
And how surprised we are when we find out we knew nothing about them and never found out anything, even after years.
All this makes me sick.
There must be a way I can play by different rules, or failing that, not play at all.
I am seeing strange dreams.
I always see strange dreams.
I don't want to do what any of the rest of you do.
I want to play with your perception of reality.
I want to fuck with you and fuck off.
And I am outta here.