My feet are hurting because I have been walking for the past two and a half hours. I had a fight with my mother and I went walking with no destination in mind. I just did not want to see her for the rest of the night. Not very hard to do as it is Easter and she will go to church, while I will go home and get a nice restful nap till tomorrow. And hopefully tomorrow I will find a way to go the fuck away again. Anywhere sounds a fine destination. Fine indeed.
Unless I move soon, I will go more bananas than the whole of fucking Africa.
I am sad, angry, bored, ready to burst, horny and exhausted, all at once. If I watch one more Tokio Hotel video in youtube, I will start humping the screen, and I am at a public place, so this will not really help me with my reputation. The fight with my mother was really really nasty and I hate hurting her but she doesn't understand and no matter what I do she gets hurt all the same, and if I don't bite her verbally fast enough she will bite me first, plus it is Easter, which I hate, I hate all family and religion related holidays and celebrations because I never had anything happy to look forward to in these celebrations, still haven't, don't know if I ever will, I am really pissed off, I should go home but I do not want to talk to my mom if she is at home right now, I hate myself for believing everything my pendulum tells me (*though I have found out that most things turn out true, and if they don't, it's me asking the wrong questions*), I feel like kicking myself in the butt but I am not THAT flexible, and generally all is fine and dandy. I have fucked reality and linear time because presently I have a relationship with a guy I haven't yet met (using my pendulum), I have fucked up everything, this chaos magick stuff is messing me up bad, who needs drugs when you can do the impossible just by focusing hard enough and wishing for it to happen, the men of my life are not here yet and when they finally come they will not be any less fucked in the head and nothing makes any sense, I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN I WILL HONESTLY EXPLODE AND THE UPPER PART OF MY HEAD WILL TURN INTO A GODDAMN PINK BLOODY BRAIN HELICOPTER LIKE A WINGED PANTY LINER GONE WRONG@@@ FUCKKKKKAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!!! HEEEEELP!!!
One of those goddamn nights you wish you were brain dead.