I am back. Although I haven't the slightest why. :-)
English not first language leads to all kind of interesting and hilarious mistakes when writing stories.
"He wanted to get to know every crook and nanny of her body."
NEWS FLASH: the present incarnation has trouble accepting her place in the world and this reality.
Okay, let's discuss this. Where would you rather be?
Let's not. I'll be too graphic and I don't wanna. There's people watching us. But Dir en Grey have a new and very pretty song out.
How can anyone call a Dir en Grey song pretty?
I can and even shooting me cannot make me change my phrasing. You need to lure me with Asian Skinny Buttocks to change it.
What the hell is Skinny Buttocks? A snack bar for those on a diet?
Nope, a snack for those who haven't had any in the longest time.
Haven't had what? Skinny buttocks? Your buttocks are far from skinny. They look like a, hmmm, peach?
Yeah. Do you see any hands on the aforesaid peach?
Gods forbid! What are you, an alien?
No, you idiot, not GROWING OUT OF MY BUTTOCKS, fondling them, groping them, something along these lines.
See what I mean?
Not really but I am getting confused here. Would you like to explain that bit about where you'd like to be instead? There is no progress concerning the buttocks thingy.
Hmmmmm. Right you are. Good question. Let's listen to some Gazette because they have two TRULY fantastic songs in their latest album. Let's embed one as well. Hmmm. Make that two. Can I choose any place and time I want?
I suppose so. I mean, we are just talking, no harm in asking for anything you please.
Yeah. And I have always been of the opinion that if you are going to sin, sin boldly. So yes. I would like to be back where I was. Before the fall. Before everything started being such a pain in the ass. Back "home".
Um. That's not really an option, you know.
Oh yes, trust me, I know. Even if I kill myself, I cannot go back there. And besides, I have never been the quitting type.
I'll second that. Any other options?
I'll pick the pretty boy with the wavy black hair. The one that looks like you know who.
Yes. So what about him?
He's a dashing creature, isn't he? I swear I could lick sexiness out of his skin, emitted together with his smell.
So what would you like to do with him?
Can I choose any time I please? Hmmm? Can I? Can I?
Yep, go on.
Then I choose the time before we get to know each other, that we are still landscapes waiting to be discovered. The time he'll be keeping his mouth shut for fear he'll insult me and make me go away. When he'll be genuinely hungry for me and each touch will be as honest and full of longing as breath itself.
Nice choice. But why that?
Just because. Because I know it doesn't last. It is replaced by habit, familiarity and contempt.
But there is also tenderness and understanding and kindness there, when time passes. There is genuine knowledge of the other person instead of loving a fantasy or a projection.
Hahaha. You are hilarious sometimes, aren't you? There is never actual knowledge of any person. We just touch something with our hands, keeping our eyes shut, and we describe what we think it is.
Of course we do. And since he'll only see what he wants to see anyway, I might as well do the same. And believe it. That's the trick to happiness in falling in love. Believing.
So do you want to fall in love? Is this what you are saying?
No. I don't think this will ever happen to me again. Not anymore. But even if it does, I have no say on the matter. It just will. *shrugs*
Don't you feel lonely?
What does this have to do with anything?
I get the feeling you are lonely.
I am lonely alright. But what's worst is my homicidal mania. All I can think about yesterday and today is about killing two particular people. It won't solve anything. Hell, even killing about two fifths of the earth's population won't change much. Since the creator decided they should exist in the first place, who am I to know better?
Indeedy. So what are you going to do?
What, now? Go home, of course. What else can I do? Go home and discuss it with Her. She is ballistic, thirsting for blood, and it does me no good to be like that.
Unless I am mistaken I don't think there is any room for discussion in such a case.
There is always room for discussion, especially in such a case. Trust me. And I have grown weary of the things I don't do because "it wouldn't be right", "my karma would go to hell in a hand basket", "I don't deserve to become like them" and so on. I see so many people hiding behind their finger every single day, thinking I don't know what they think about me and how they feel about me. Pretending they care about me. And they have it oh so easy because I don't want to be like them. I don't want to destroy, I want to create and preserve. Life will destroy anyway, why should I do it? Why should I be the one to dig their graves when they do it themselves? Living -and doing it well- is the best vengeance of all. And you know what? What really keeps me is the knowledge that even when wallowing in the darkest pits of despair I have never once given in and followed the easy path. That's my only treasure. I have nothing save for that and nobody, fucking nobody can take it from me, while they chose the easy path every single time. Every time they had to choose between their ego's petty games and between being human in the true sense of the word, they chose to be scum. And there will be a time scum will be separated from humans, and they will go where scum goes. To the dirt.
So, what's the thing you want tonight?
I told you. The essence of dreams. The time we both won't know a thing. It's that, or a very sharp knife. And that's that.
Okay then. Sleep tight...