Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Don't let me go to Japan!


I am serious. Don't let me go to Japan. I don't know what it will take, but ban me from that country. And while you're at it, ban me from eBay as well.

Just imagine me there. Or rather don't. A sex-starved, androgynous beauty devotee western girl unleashed on the streets of Japan. Like Krakatoa, a Mongolian riding excursion and a banquet sponsored by Viagra and Dionysus rolled in one and interrupted by deafening farting sounds. I get excited just by thinking about it. I'm sure I will somehow spot Gackt. Or Uruha. I will sniff them. I will use my bionic super senses, trained to locate all hairless males with arms slimmer than mine and promising lips in a hundred mile radius. I bet they smell like cotton candy, hot chocolate with cinnamon and vanilla and cat fur. I will locate them and the entire police force of Japan won't be able to open my jaws, firmly secured around Gackt's underwear (with Gackt still wearing it and struggling in vain, of course). They will lose so much manpower trying to get close and being repelled by a mysterious poisonous gas that makes even gas masks melt that they'll decide to let me have him and that will be the end of it (and him). I will drag him unconscious to my lair and lick him till he has no bodily hair left, not even eyebrows. Mmm, sweet-smelling flesh, stupidity and obligation free. He can wail and scream as much as he wants, I don't speak his language. I will then raid every shop that sells those fantabulous clothes I can't buy from here, unless I sell my entire mother and one of my kidneys to the organ market. And finally, I will leave Japan with three hundred suitcases, at least fifty of  which will be delivered to FedSex (see post: advertisement) because they'll contain nekkid Japanese boy-toys (although Gackt is over thirty five). I will declare those at customs as "bedroom decoration articles/other".

Seriously. Don't let me go to Japan. I don't know what I'm capable of, but I'm sure I will find out on the spot. Someone must declare Japanese visual kei artists as endangered species and post my photo as the natural predator of the species before it's too late! Act now to prevent disaster from happening! You have been forewarned...

1 comment:

Bruno A. said...

My beloved,

if you really do tat trip, let me go with you. :P

It would be nice just to see your reaction face to those guys you want to get and grab. I would like to see you both in a japanese bedroom while he was yelling, trying to figure out what was grabbing him, what ws fucking him, what was fixin him in that room... I bet he would feel so comfortasble after a while, that he would behave like he has been drugged and he wouldn't make a tiny move, just to feel the pleasure of your body heat against his one.

It would be nice to be in Japan, now.. Anywhere but home... Goth, I am getting too lost. I don't know yet when I'll be able to send you the letter... :(

My boss isn't paying me, but sent you a little letter with your stamps inside; haven't you got it? :( (Well, I suppose I have written it, but I'll try to see if my mother sends me the letters, just for a while.

Hope to send you your letter soo and to get news from you!

love you!!