Concentration exercises

So what do you do when you finish the first book?

Naturally, you continue to the second. Especially since the first book offers no conclusion whatsoever, but rather, leaves the readers hanging high and dry. And cursing. You don't  know if this is what will happen, which means, the readers being hooked enough to feel personally wronged and cheated if you leave them at that point at the end of the book. You hope it will. At least if you were a reader, you wouldn't just curse, you'd threaten the author with tortures that would make demons blanch. Only it's too damn hot to write, or think. Or even scratch yourself. So you manage to write about half a chapter and even the sound of the keyboard lulls you to sleep.

Still you have a second book to finish. And there is the matter of the edited short stories you need to check.

Bah. So damn sleepy to do any of that. So damn sleepy to keep my eyes open.

Only I am at work. :P

Summer's here

Translation: if I could spend my days half-immersed in a barrel of water and do everything from inside the barrel, I would. I'd fit those small wheels at the bottom and move around. I'd wear a bikini and air my luscious tummy. And splash water on passers by.

I received my edited short stories back. I have not looked at them yet. Or rather I did take a look, but that's about it. I did not bother further. At some point I need to go through the corrections and see what I'll keep from the changes. Noticed my saying, "at some point". It's not as simple as it seems. At least judging from the dreams I see, where I am trying to protect a baby from vampires that mysteriously kill the family and realise at some point that the vampire is the child itself. Child= creation. I need to protect both myself and my creation.

Come on, two chapters left. Move your ass and write them. Two bloody chapters to finish the damn book. Come on, girl. Write and stop your bellyaching.

Bah.

Αchievements of the week plus book giveaway for the 20.000 pageviews..

1) Sore throat, nightmares, waking up sweaty.

2) Made address labels with Alexander Skarsgard. Cut them to size and I am waiting for friendship books to arrive in order to use them.

3) Two, maximum three more chapters and book number one is finished. Three of the heroes appear to have died. Let's see if we can make them five.

4) Sorted through J-rock magazines, about fifteen of them will go. Four are gone already.

5) Finished one more book and listed it to be given away at http://bookmooch.com/

6) Passed 20.000 pageviews in this blog. Well not yet, but with this entry I am sure I will.

Here is your chance to get free (used) books.

I have four books I am giving away for free. You can ask for as many as you want, even all of them if you want.

Desperation by Stephen King.

(Taken)

Cravings by Laurell K. Hamilton, Rebecca York etc.

(Taken)

Daemon Eyes by Camille Bacon-Smith.

The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly.

(Different cover)
(Taken)

You can ask for any of these books to be sent to you absolutely free. Just email me and give me a postal address. The books will be given away on a first come, first served basis. This is not a trick; I am giving these same books away via bookmooch. If you are the winner I will email you and let you know. :) As soon as the book is gone I will write it just under the book as a comment.

Come on! Ask away!

Jesus and the rest of them.

 (Shinya, drummer of Dir en grey, sweetness impersonate)

Today I saw two people I had not seen in a long time. One of them just got out of a stifling, dysfunctional marriage and looks better than ever. She lost weight and found herself.

The second is an old friend I had first met in UK when I was a university student. She has an almost two-year old daughter that truly is a bundle of joy. She runs around in the house and smiles. She loves hugs, asks for hugs and is such a trusting, easy going child.

I have no experience with children, but her attitude shows an unafraid, happy child. And she made me happy too. It made me happy to see what a child is like when they feel safe and loved. It also reminded me we need to have patience and kindness in our conduct with others and this actually is the most important part of our communication.

Here I will insert just a note for those people who, for some reason of their own, have a bone to pick with Jesus. It just seems utterly silly to me, for a variety of reasons. But let me begin by making some things clear.

One: I am not Christian. I grew up as Christian Orthodox, but right now I am happily irreligious. Not atheist, but irreligious, which means, I don't believe in any religion. My 'religion', if I can call it that way, is a mixture of elements, with plenty of my own unique flavour. I am perfectly and happily chaotic. I don't need ritual, but I may use ritual if I feel like it. I usually pray a lot to a multitude of entities from many different pantheons and religions. Praying often includes swearwords and threats. I like to light candles and incense because they help me concentrate and smell good, plus they cleanse the space. But I don't believe I need any kind of middle man, special place or formula to speak to the divine, like a church or an altar. If I need a church, I touch a tree. And if I need an altar, I use my heart.

Two, I don't believe in a Father, Son and Holy spirit. I believe in a Creator/ Creatrix that encompasses both male and female, to whom I refer as God/dess for more ease. I believe in the sanctity of all being, including the nasty bits. I believe in serendipity, synchronicity and providence. I also believe that we're our own worst nightmares and we can easily put demons out of business. And I don't believe that Christ was the son of God any more or less that I and all of you are.

Is it clear?

Can we proceed?

What is the matter with you people? What is your problem with Jesus?

I see those that say, "oh, the cursed Nazarene, teaching masochism and pain and being a victim as a way of existing."

Okay. Let's try to put things in some semblance of order.

You haven't got a clue what Jesus said. Why? Because you weren't there. That's why. The only way to know what someone has said was to be present when it was said, and even then, there is plenty of room for misunderstanding. Now, you want to take the words of the apostles literally, be my guest. Just keep in mind you are reading a second hand opinion that has passed through countless translations and changes to support and uphold a whole system, something very rotten called organised religion.

Jesus never wanted to begin a new religion. He spoke of love and forgiveness in an era of cruelty and turmoil. He spoke of kindness to strangers. He also attacked organised religion and its hypocrisy and the upholders of the system themselves, by words and actions. Or do you forget that because it does not add up to the profile of the masochist you have created? It was those words and actions plus the fact that he had gathered a huge following that finally got him killed. He was becoming dangerous. Potentially a new force. They did  not want that, so he was crucified. The rest is history.

I see the same people who curse the name of Jesus hug their pets, or have erotic relationships, companions, children. And I want to tell them: the love I see in your eyes, the kindness you show with your words and actions, is the very essence of Jesus energy.

And I see the same people who curse the name of Jesus scream against the rotten system of religion, the hypocrisy of priests and their fanatical followers, and I want to tell them: this, too, is Jesus energy, the very same energy you condemn. Love will not mingle with hypocrisy like water won't mingle with oil. Jesus never accepted hypocrisy. Every holy man and woman who ever walked this planet never embraced it. This is why most of them got murdered in a variety of ways, or exiled, and they never had a stitch of clothing extra than what they absolutely needed.

As for me, next time I trip and fall down like I usually do I would like someone with the essence of Jesus, Buddha or any of the great teachers in their being, to stop and help me up and ask me if I am OK. They do not have to be Christian or Buddhist; just understand in their heart that we are all connected to each other, and the next person that may trip and fall down may be themselves or someone they love. And they would like someone to stop and help them like they did it for me.

'Nuff said.

Yahoo, relationships, and the hermit's point of view.

It's  been five days that I have no access to my primary email account, the one I have registered for almost all social sites I use. Facebook, this blog, bookmooch, thealterium, twitter, tumblr, vistaprint and youtube are connected to it (to name the majority). If I permanently lose access to that account I have a lot of work ahead of me. It's not going to be fun. Let's hope the technicians will be able to fix whatever is wrong with it because I am not the only one who has a problem from what they say.

Sometimes I wonder why we do what we hate being done to us, like judging.

And sometimes I don't think. Judging is so tightly woven into human nature that it's impossible to avoid.

I've been in a void of partly my own choice. Away from erotic relationships. I don't want to change that.

It resembles unlearning to eat candy. If you unlearn it, you no longer feel the craving for it from a point onward.

It's not like I feel no craving.I just don't want to bother with all that ensue a relationship and intimacy with another person. It's not worth it. I am tired of the trial and error process relationships are. I want to keep my quiet, for the rest of my life if possible.  Not bother what this and that and the other means.

I look around me. I am not blind. Erotic relationships have an expiration date. Those that stay with the other person even after the interest has died out are pretty much buried alive. They stay because they have a child, or joined bank accounts, or they are afraid, or whatever really. Is any of that a valid reason to stay with a person for the rest of your life? Or is it better to stay with one person and cheat on them because you still want to have interesting sex?

We never really get to know anyone. People are like moons, with a hidden side.

We always think we know others and ourselves.

In reality we know shit.

We make relationships with strangers that remain strangers throughout and even after the end of the relationship.

And how surprised we are when we find out we knew nothing about them and never found out anything, even after years.

All this makes me sick.

There must be a way I can play by different rules, or failing that, not play at all.

I am seeing strange dreams.

I always see strange dreams.

I don't want to do what any of the rest of you do.

I want to play with your perception of reality.

I want to fuck with you and fuck off.

And I am outta here.