Sick and tired.

It seems that every person who has contacted me lately seems intent on one single very particular thing: busting my balls. It's also interesting to see how they do it. Whenever they talk to me, all their insecurities go in full tilt and they just have to let me know how wrong I am. They begin by projecting all their personal behavioral patterns onto my entity. If they are mind numbingly stuck onto specific notions, they accuse me of small mindedness. If they are the type to lose their patience if someone does not immediately fulfill their wishes, I am the one who's unreliable and hypocritical. If they are scared of me because I am too much, I immediately "become" too picky and fascistic in my approach to things. None of these people know me. None makes an effort to get to know me; they just assume. No questions, no discussion. I am the poison of their status quo, the worm inside their golden apples of perfection. Therefore, I have to be squashed. They proceed to attack this entity that they see in my place in order to purge themselves of all the crap they carry within, they demonise me because they don't have the guts to see that I only mirror what is happening inside their own minds. I am the outside manifestation of their inner issues. And they try, oh how hard they try to insult and belittle me and make me sorry. Well. Human nature, I suppose. Sing on, my dear ones, sing on. I don't give a fuck about what you believe. You were the ones who approached me to begin with, I did not. Heee he he, and once they realise I am not another Spice-Girls-In-Reverse brainless scared little gothette/fashion victim, that can be easily manipulated and impressed, they rear like panicked cockroaches. I am not the one who needs attention or asks for contact. I write "Sorry no new pen pals" for a reason. To avoid the likes of you, dear open minded people. To avoid sixty pages of gossip or people who are pleasant only if someone pats their backs. So come to me all guns blazing, come to me full of insults and spit your poison. I care not. I know what I am. People attack if they feel threatened or cornered. If my being myself makes you so scared, if you can't take the heat, then STEP OUT OF THE FUCKING KITCHEN. I have a job to do and you only annoy me.

Krista, Beth, Carrie and the rest, thank you for embracing me wholly and without judging me. At least there are some people out there who have the guts to embrace difference, perhaps because it feels familiar...