Showing posts with label Fairy tale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fairy tale. Show all posts

Friday, January 09, 2009

The twilight of excuses

Ever had one of those times you wished you were someone else?

I saw the movie Twilight. It really made me wish I was someone else. I won't refer to the movie. It was simply the emotional boost I needed to reach my present state of mind. Which is, I wish I had someone to protect me for once.

I don't need a daddy at my age. I am not looking for a daddy. But I am tired of always being the strong one in my relationships. Tired of being the one to give advice, understand, insist, retreat, encourage, look for hints, read the fucking cards. I wish I was normal.

No, lie. I wish I was brain dead .

I wish I could find comfort in my female nature. I wish I had been accepted, protected and loved when I needed it most. I wish I had a normal family when I was small. I wish I had not been destroyed by the ones supposed to protect me and not turned into what I am- someone disgusted and terrified by human touch and appalled by intimacy.

I wish I had lived a normal life, that's all. It will pass.