1984 dreams

Today I came across something I had forgotten I have in my possession. Some childhood Barbie and Ken dolls of mine. I thought I had given them away. One of my dogs had chewed them and they are mangled at places. Probably that's the reason I kept them. I had forgotten them, yet as soon as I opened the bag and saw the splendid dresses, I remembered them.

Right now I don't know what to do with them. They are not in good shape to give them away, and I don't want to throw them away. It's so strange. I feel I am holding dead people in my hands. It hurts and I don't even know why. No, not dead people. Dead dreams.

I went online and found them in pristine condition. It's pointless to buy them again, even if I had the money, and I obviously can't undo the ravages of 30+ years of time. It's the nature of reality. But at least I can remember what they looked like when I was holding them in my hands and life had not crushed me in a hundred different ways and I was full of dreams bigger than life itself.

And I still hope. I don't dream as big as I dreamed back then, I don't hope in the same way, yet I hope. They didn't take that away from me. Not completely. And I know how hard they tried.

I don't expect others to understand why I upload these photos. But I need to do it. It's a form of apocatastasis. 

From Wikipedia: Apocatastasis (/æpoʊkəˈtæstəsɪs/, from Greek: ἀποκατάστασις, apokatástasis) is reconstitution, restitution,^[1] or restoration to the original or primordial condition.^[2]

Barbie Dream Glow 1984

Barbie Jewel Secrets 1985

 

Ken Jewel Secrets 1985

And perhaps the last Barbie doll I had ever bought. 1988 feeling fun Barbie. In 1988 I was ten years old.

Who would have thought one day they'd knock me flat on my ass...
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Tarot reading

This wonder of wonders is Louse. She is small, cute, stubborn and the Queen of mucus. This is why she is presently on my bed, on a small heating mat and on antibiotics. She was in the garden of my building, but she is too small to be able to survive winter outdoors. She got sick on top of that. Meh. Need I explain more? I think I don't. Wish me luck. I hope to find a home for her.

This was supposed to be a funny entry on tarot reading. I am not sure I can be funny at the moment. I can try.

As you may or may not know, I read tarot cards. I do readings for myself, my mother and some close friends. This isn't an entry for advice on reading. There are countless books and online sources on how to do it. I'm sure I don't have something new to add. I can tell you how I do it for the laughs though.

I always light a candle before reading cards. Fire and salt are the most ancient ways of purification. If you have some incense to burn, do that too. Fire keeps evil at bay, incense binds itself with the positive ions of the air and takes them out of the room if you have a window open. So don't be lazy, burn incense if you have it. It does what it says on the label.

Next thing on the menu. Interpretation. I have this special relationship with my cards. I talk to them. Sometimes it works.

"What on earth do you mean?"

"Piss off! Don't act like you don't know!"

"Oh, that's reeeeaaally helpful now, reeeaaally clear, thanks for nothing."

"That's it. One of us here is pulling the other's leg, and you haven't got any."

"Are you on fucking drugs? I mean, seriously, are you?"

(Initially in a sweet voice) "Do you know what you need? Purification by fire. Unless you tell me, I'll use you for kindling, you useless piece of symbolic fluff."

"Oh yes, why don't you give me more people cards, I mean I need advice and I get every person in the tarot plus their close relatives and best friends. I thought this was a reading, but you seem to think it's a blasted wedding! Well let me tell you something, it's not a wedding, it's a funeral. Yours."

"Do you see these scissors? Huh? See them? Wanna take a closer look?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, you have one job."

"Are you giving me the lip now? Is that it? Feeling adventurous today, are we?"

"That's it. I am buying a new deck, and you are going into the spare box, together with the dust bunnies and your useless lazy sisters. Okay, half sisters. That's not the point."

Kidding aside, I've been using tarot cards since 1997. I have a lot of decks, yet this is my standard. It works spectacularly. Sometimes readings just don't work. The cards aren't to blame though.

(Having said that, once I got so mad with a set of clay runes that I pounded them to dust one by one, using a stone. Whoopsie).

The lousy Louse.

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