Cat gone wild...

I think Mr. Adolf, one of my oldest male cats, has gone stone deaf. Every time he sees someone entering the room, he makes the mewing equivalent of an obese person accidentally landing on a bagpipe.

From zero to bitch in three seconds.

My feet are hurting because I have been walking for the past two and a half hours. I had a fight with my mother and I went walking with no destination in mind. I just did not want to see her for the rest of the night. Not very hard to do as it is Easter and she will go to church, while I will go home and get a nice restful nap till tomorrow. And hopefully tomorrow I will find a way to go the fuck away again. Anywhere sounds a fine destination. Fine indeed.

Unless I move soon, I will go more bananas than the whole of fucking Africa.

I am sad, angry, bored, ready to burst, horny and exhausted, all at once. If I watch one more Tokio Hotel video in youtube, I will start humping the screen, and I am at a public place, so this will not really help me with my reputation. The fight with my mother was really really nasty and I hate hurting her but she doesn't understand and no matter what I do she gets hurt all the same, and if I don't bite her verbally fast enough she will bite me first, plus it is Easter, which I hate, I hate all family and religion related holidays and celebrations because I never had anything happy to look forward to in these celebrations, still haven't, don't know if I ever will, I am really pissed off, I should go home but I do not want to talk to my mom if she is at home right now, I hate myself for believing everything my pendulum tells me (*though I have found out that most things turn out true, and if they don't, it's me asking the wrong questions*), I feel like kicking myself in the butt but I am not THAT flexible, and generally all is fine and dandy. I have fucked reality and linear time because presently I have a relationship with a guy who's not here, I have fucked up everything, this chaos magick stuff is messing me up bad, who needs drugs when you can do the impossible just by focusing hard enough and wishing for it to happen, the men of my life are not here yet and when they finally come they will not be any less fucked in the head and nothing makes any sense, I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN I WILL HONESTLY EXPLODE AND THE UPPER PART OF MY HEAD WILL TURN INTO A GODDAMN PINK BLOODY BRAIN HELICOPTER LIKE A WINGED PANTY LINER GONE WRONG@@@ FUCKKKKKAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!!! HEEEEELP!!!

One of those goddamn nights you wish you were brain dead.

Seriously trying.

I am seriously trying not to pay any attention to the stupidity of people anymore. Seriously trying. But I fail spectacularly.

First of all, my lower back is killing me. I have been doing all the wrong things, not physically, but there are quite a few things that can cause physical pain although they are not causing any physical strain. And believe me, I am not referring to sex. :-)

Secondly, I am the first to admit I am opinionated. Opinionated as fuck, to be more precise. This is why I do not converse with strangers most of the time, because when they start blurting out racistic, homophobic or just plainly stupid opinions that they label "arguments" I want to kick them hard enough to make them spit their balls out. I do not have the patience to explain to them WHY they are stupid. I just want them gone from my view ASAP, and usually to make this happen I just start screaming obscenities. This happened a couple of days ago. Again.

Someone came to my work and unfortunately, we started a conversation related to gay people. He said, "I do not have a problem with them", which is the usual openminded-my-arse cover everyone uses to avoid being called a homophobe, "but one of them is staying in my building. And if I have a kid, what then? If he or she sees two men kissing, what then?"

Right you are, fella. If he or she sees that sight unfolding in front of them, the gay virus will immediately enter them through their innocent eyes. Those two men will get their gayness all over your poor kid and then it will be the end. You kid will become immediately gay. Next step will be to shave her head if it is a girl, let her armpits unshaved till they look like the hairstyle of the singer from Tokio Hotel, and buy herself a tank and a box of multicoloured strap-ons. Or if it is a boy, he will shave his legs, wear one of his mother's dresses (preferably a fuscia red one), pierce his ding dong and go out to satisfy his endless craving for you-know-what kind of meat. Nice, isn't it? Going through all the trouble and expences of reproducing because you need an empty canvas to fill with your complexes and stupidity, and that kid *squeeeeal!* turning out gay. Oh, the horror! Oh, the disappointment! I suppose that when you fuck your wife in missionary position a little voice tells you that you have signed a contract with God and your child will be "normal". Perhaps gay people come out when you fuck doggy style. You should check that too. One can never be too careful with these things.

Question number one: If your son sees two women kissing, is that okay? Because I have noticed that I see a lot of -supposed- lesbian couples in those magazines you buy because you are such a hard, uncompromised, manly man. I suppose this doesn't count. Forgive me. How stupid of me...

Question number two: If your kid never sees two men kissing and he or she still turns out gay, what then? Who's to blame? Who's to burn on that stake you have prepared already? Maybe your kid?

Needless to say, I told him that I hope a meteorite lands in Greece and eradicates the population, because they (Greek men) are homophobic, racist, religion-obsessed fuckwits. :-) Now go on and blame me for that.

Writing poetry

I write poetry all the time. This alone shows my state of mind. I feel like shit. And the more I search, the more I unearth stories from the past that have no happy endings, only blood, violence and death.

Goody. :-/

I suppose I should give it a rest. I feel very lonely though. The kind of lonely that makes me suffocate. The scary kind of lonely that seizes me by the neck late at night. That kind of lonely.

Goody...